WORRIES ARE JUST A NUISANCE!
They cause enormous stress that affects us both mentally and physically. If you’ve ever been awake, worried and unable to fall asleep, only to wake up with a sleep deficit the next morning, you know what I mean.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WORRIED AND HAPPY PEOPLE
Stressed people always have too many worries, all rooted in one basic fear: the fear of not meeting expectations (whose expectations, anyway? And how important are these people really?).
Happy people also have worries, but the difference is that they know how to deal with them effectively and get rid of them quickly. This article will also put these tools at your disposal.
CONCERNS GROW WITH ATTENTION TO THEM
Most people can’t let go of their worrying thoughts as if forgetting them will cause the feared thing to happen. Guess what? The opposite is true. Worries grow the more attention you give them. The good news, however, is that you already have the power to make them disappear. And this article will show you how to use it.
WORRIES ARE THOUGHTS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BAD – REPLACE THEM
To immediately ensure that it is possible, become aware of the fact that worries are nothing more than thoughts that make you feel bad. Yes, worries are thoughts that stem from thinking about a possible negative outcome, an unwanted turn of events. Who chooses what you think? I hope your answer is: ME, or else we have a different problem to tackle. So if YOU decide what you think, then YOU are in control of what kind of thoughts you want to have, right? Once you realize this simple fact, you instantly know WHAT to do: replace painful and unpleasant thoughts with more uplifting and energizing ones.
This leaves the question of HOW to do that. After some more important facts about worry, this article will show you several strategies on how to control your thoughts.
WORRIES DO NOT WORK – HERE IS THE PROOF
Worries are the antithesis of happiness. They distract you from enjoying life and NOW, the only time to experience happiness. Here’s why ALL worries go to waste:
40% of worries are about events that will never happen.
30% of worries are about events that have already happened.
22% of worries are about trivial events
4% of worries are about events that we cannot change.
4% of concerns are about real events on which we can act
(and these are also wasted because we can actually do something about it)
THE ROOT CAUSE OF ALL WORRIES
There is one underlying for all kinds of worries. It is the fear of not being able to handle the situation. That is all. Regardless of what you’re worried about, you’re ultimately afraid that you won’t be able to handle the consequences. However, the truth is that you will always be able to find a way forward. That path forward may not be the one you had in mind before, but it will be there. Even if you don’t know the way forward now, trust that you will figure it out when the time comes. TRUST is a key concept here. Imagine, you will KNOW that whatever happens, whatever life throws your way, you will somehow manage, find some kind of way forward. If you knew that, what would there be left to fear? The answer is: NOTHING. What if life always gave you exactly what you need to further your personal development? Then you could relax and let it come, whatever it is. Decide to trust: “Whatever happens, I’ll handle it” and notice how it makes you feel.
FACT: THERE IS NO PROGRESS WITHOUT FEAR AND WORRY
The fact is that as long as you develop fear and worry they will ALWAYS be in your life. Yes! They will NEVER leave. Every time you try something new, you go out of your comfort zone and the uncertainty about the outcome will produce feelings of fear and worrying thoughts. This is the same for everyone. Once you know that fear and worry will always be a part of a meaningful and exciting life, you can relax and focus your energy on controlling your worries instead of fighting them. The best way to handle fear and worry is to move on regardless of it and trust that you can handle whatever comes next. Make fear and worries your life partner.
6 STRATEGIES TO DEAL WITH CONCERNS:
1. USE LOGIC
Ask yourself what is really true about this fear or concern. Go and find the facts alone or with a partner. You’ll see that most concerns are either totally generalized, overly exaggerated, or just plain untrue! Thoughts like “no one likes me” are rarely true, and yet their devastating effect on your emotions is as real as it gets. So don’t trust your worries! Once you have the facts (eg, my mom likes me, my neighbor/doctor likes me, etc., etc.), worry loses its power. There is a story about a man seeing Dr. Schuller that I would like to share with you.”
The man said, “It’s over. I’m done. All my money is gone. I’VE LOST EVERYTHING.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still see?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still see.”
Dr. Schuller asked, “Can you still walk?”
The man replied, “Yes, I can still walk.”
Schuller said, “Obviously you can still hear that you wouldn’t have called me.”
“Yes, I can still hear.”
“Well,” said Schuller, “I guess you have EVERYTHING left. All you’ve lost is your money!”
This story is a bit simplistic, but the simplistic examples make the point clear: we tend to generalize “we lost everything” and feel the respective negative feelings, when in reality we (only) lost some/a lot of money.
2. REMEMBER BAD THINGS DON’T HAPPEN SO OFTEN
We tend to expect the worst every time, but the worst almost never happens. How often has the worst case scenario come to life for you? Rarely, I bet. So why do we insist that next time it will happen? It’s just a bad habit. So tell yourself that the worst rarely happens!
3. REMEMBER THAT EVEN THOUGH THINGS GO A LITTLE WRONG, YOU CAN HANDLE THEM AND OVERCOME THEM
So even if things don’t go your way. It is almost never the end of the world. Focus on the things you’re still grateful for and try to see something positive in the outcome, even if it’s hard to spot at first. I had cancer a couple of years ago and it felt like the end of the world at first, but it was also a blessing for me, a wake-up call to refocus on what really matters to me, instead of blindly following expectations. of my boss/my company/society as a whole. At the very least, you’ll always find some learning in a bad outcome—learning you never would have had had it turned out otherwise! So look for the little good in the bad and move on.
The next time you find yourself desperate, ask yourself these questions:
1. Do I have enough air to breathe?
2. Do I have enough food for today?
3. Will I survive?
If the answer is YES, things are already looking up! Too often, we blow things out of proportion. The worst that could happen is probably very inconvenient, but not the end of the world.
If it helps, make a plan of what you would do in the worst case. This often helps you realize that things won’t be so bad after all, and you gain valuable peace of mind.
4. IGNORE YOUR CONCERNS
You already know that worries grow with attention. The opposite also is true. When you don’t spend time with them, worry about them wilting and disappearing!
Obviously, you can’t just NOT worry at all, but you can manage your worries. Set a specific worry time every day: 15 minutes when you can worry about anything and everything. Just don’t do it outside of your worry time.
If your worry comes up outside of worry time, imagine a box in your mind that you keep this worry in until the time comes or just write it down on a piece of paper and then put it away until the time of worry. You know you will spend time on it later.
Ask others to support you with this. Let them know when your worry time is! In the meantime, distract yourself with something else. As if you were changing the TV channel, change the channel thinking about remembering a happy memory, something that made you feel fabulous. Remember it with all your senses (what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste). Alternatively, think of something you’re good at (comforting your child, folding laundry, skiing, or coming up with ideas, etc.). Use this tool whenever you need it, ideally 5 minutes a day.
At first, this will feel difficult as you have so many worries and can’t wait to think about or talk about them. However, after a while, something extraordinary will happen… your list or your mental box will not be as full as you thought.
5. FACE YOUR CONCERN AND RESPOND
Did you know that your concern is actually a stalker? As long as you take it, the stalker will continue to mistreat you. Imagine the bully as an ugly creature. Get angry and respond.
At first, the bully is still stronger than you (after all, he had you under control for so long), but you can train to win this match. You already know that your worry stalker generalizes, exaggerates and lies. He will try to make you believe that the worst will definitely happen when it is very unlikely to happen. So don’t trust! RESPOND and imagine kicking it or throwing it away. Keep doing that (the stalker sees you as a weakling who listens to everything) as the stalker will try again multiple times. Stay busy with something else.
6. STRENGTHEN YOUR BODY – RELAX AND EXERCISE
Research shows that good nutrition, regular exercise and enough 6-8 hours of sleep keep worry away. Without it, you literally invite worry into your life.
