Many of us suffer from stress, anxiety, burnout, burnout and are desperate to escape this pattern. At the same time, we feel driven to push ourselves in our careers and at home; we rarely make time for ourselves or allow ourselves the care we need to thrive.
However, there is more, often we push so hard that we end up making things harder for ourselves than necessary. Sometimes all our efforts to move forward are actually backfiring and actually make things worse. It could be that you have effectively created a ball and chain tied to your ankle, instead of the amazing future you desire.
In our Western society, we are taught that action is the way to go, that if you want to change, you must set goals, make plans, and then act.
All this is, of course, absolutely true, and without goals, plans and actions nothing will happen. However, there is another side of the coin that we often forget…
There is a universal law that says that the more you push something, the more resistance you get. Do you remember the physics lessons at school?
You may already know that I started my career as a conventional scientist, and I mean conventional scanning electron microscopes, metallurgical grinding machines, mechanical testing machines, conference rooms, research proposals, the jobs! My God, that was a long time ago!
You would have thought with such a background that he might have had some clue about this and could avoid this mistake. Unfortunately, if I’m being honest, I was probably the worst example of this in the entire history of creation…or at least nearly the worst.
Here is the problem. Let’s say we want a particular change in our lives (getting a new job, a new relationship, losing weight), we set our goal and start using all the techniques and actions that we think will get that result. It sounds perfect.
HOWEVER, here is the problem. If you don’t see results right away, you think you’re not trying hard enough, so you redouble your efforts. You start to push very hard in one direction and the resistance kicks in. Basically when you push too hard you lock everything and nothing moves. You feel stuck and frustrated. So you push harder. And you know what, when you try harder, you make it even worse. What you create is an endless vicious cycle or self-sabotage. Result: just more frustration, stress, anxiety, burnout, exhaustion, despair.
If you really want to create something, you have to give the universe room to move and work its magic. When we are busy pushing in one direction, we are imposing our rigid specifications for the outcome, the time scale, and how it will be produced. This is limited by our life experience and what our brain can imagine. If we impose these things on the process, we may very well be shutting down the creation process altogether! Always remember that the universe has infinite parameters to work with, infinitely more than our little human brains. What if the universe had something 10 times better in store for us, but if it came to us via a different route, we either miss it or block it altogether? If we impose our plan and insist on it, we may lose that opportunity and get nothing.
It took me a long time to learn that lesson and I admit it’s still a challenge to let go and let things flow, but I’m so much better than I used to be.
So here are my 4 essential steps to get out of that downward spiral and back into flow, balance, and of course, results!
1) Change your mindset
Creating the life we want is like growing a beautiful flower, not turning the knob on a sausage machine. Think of yourself as a devoted and expert gardener. When you plant the seeds, you don’t bombard them with endless water fertilizer and keep digging up to see if they’re already growing. You know this will kill the poor thing. When you push yourself mercilessly, this is what you’re doing to yourself.
2) Assess your ‘ruthless quotient’
Stop what you’re doing. Sit down. Be honest with yourself. How are you treating yourself? Are you full of self-criticism, judgment, martyrdom, self-sacrifice, non-stop drive? If so, then the truth is that you are actually crushing yourself. This is KEY.
3) The Law of Flowering
That’s what I call it! Do you remember those seeds that you want to cultivate, whether in your career or in your personal life? If you want them to grow, flower, and bloom, then you need to give them OPTIMUM CARE. Optimal care means NO shelling and shoving. Optimal care is an intermittent approach. Give them what they need, then stand back and allow the creation to happen. Then provide what they need next, then back up again.
The same applies to your life. If you want results, set your goals, decide on your initial actions, take those actions, and then RELAX. Allow those actions to take effect. Let the universe respond to the messages you have sent. Give it time.
When you get this, you not only magnify your results, but also increase your well-being by releasing that pressure you’ve been putting on yourself. It is a win-win situation.
4) Prepare to RECEIVE
Change your schedule to include time out, rest, and self-care. When I say this, I am referring to the time when you are not thinking about all the things you are trying to do and create! It is only when you get this letting go that you allow the time and space of the universe to create what you want.
Remember, this will feel counterintuitive! But the truth is that more effort does not give better results. Pulling back to receive more is how it works.
Allow yourself to receive. This is probably one of the hardest things for most women to do. We are so used to giving, giving, giving, that we simply have no idea how to let go and allow anything to come to us.
Remember, you can’t make the bud open into a flower. If you try to open the petals, you just destroy things. Instead, you just have to wait and let it happen without you.
The key to creating, getting the best results and maintaining your well-being is to stop pushing. Yes, set your goals and take action, but at the same time think about relieving the pressure. Cast your desires and goals out into the universe, and then imagine that everything you need is flowing to you: help, resources, inspiration, opportunities, contacts, or whatever else is required. Then be open to receiving the results.
Adopting this mindset is the best way to get lasting results and also the best way to maintain wellness, health, and happiness.