Sexuality has to do with the act of mating. Humans don’t have sex simply to reproduce. We also have sex to enjoy sexual intimacy (recreation) and to form the emotional bonds that keep couples committed for the years it takes to support a family (deferred reproduction).
For most animals, a male fertilizes a female by making a rapid insertion. Only mammals employ an extended thrusting technique. There is no obvious advantage to the additional time male mammals take to mate. This inefficiency is undoubtedly due to the pleasure the male derives from thrusting.
Intercourse refers to interaction between two or more people. Having sex and intercourse both refer to any genital activity performed with a lover (as opposed to masturbatory activity only). Intercourse can also mean vaginal intercourse, so the term intercourse is used to avoid confusion.
Women don’t get turned on by real-world triggers (like underwear or a lover’s genitals). The lack of erotic arousal, the contact of the upper part of the body (kisses and caresses), as well as the diffuse stimulation of sexual intercourse, make women experience consensual sexual intercourse as an act of love. Most women are not willing to engage in more explicit manual or oral contact. Being a recipient of intercourse does not depend on a person being sexually aroused.
Mammals use rear entry, but the default position for intercourse used by humans, in so-called civilized countries, is the missionary position which allows:
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a man to control the stimulation he enjoys from thrusting;
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a woman to focus on the upper body aspects of lovemaking; Y
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a man to observe a woman and thus pressure women to fake it.
We can differentiate between three different categories of sexual activity. First there is manual contacts where we use our hands (or fingers) to stimulate (massage) the sexual organ (called masturbation). Masturbation can be used with a lover, but less frequently to the point of orgasm. Any activity other than intercourse used to be called petting and was popular with young couples in the days before reliable birth control became available. A man’s optimal sexual release is achieved by thrusting to ejaculation, so intercourse usually concludes heterosexual activity. But some men enjoy spreading their arousal by participating in non-coital activities. Hence the term: foreplay.
Second there is oral contacts where we use our mouth or tongue to kiss or stimulate (licking, sucking or kissing) the sexual organ (called oral sex) or other body parts. Oral sex performed on a man (called fellatio) is much more common than oral sex performed on a woman (called cunnilingus). Cunnilingus is associated with lesbians and pornography.
Third there is genital contacts where a man penetrates the body of a lover (called intercourse or penetrative sex) with an erect penis. Vaginal intercourse involves a man’s penis entering a woman’s vagina. Heterosexual men and, more commonly, homosexuals have anal intercourse (also called anal sex) in which an erect penis penetrates their lover’s anus. Anyone can use a dildo or vibrator to penetrate a lover’s vagina or anus. Women can use a strap-on dildo to penetrate a lover (called pegging).
We can differentiate between three approaches to sexual intercourse. The vast majority of sexual intercourse is defined by a man’s sex drive. A man holds his erect penis between his lover’s legs to find the entrance to his vagina. The man then thrusts rhythmically into his vagina while the woman kisses or caresses him, giving him the time she needs to ejaculate. Vaginal intercourse provides women with almost no physical or erotic stimulation. Women offer sex to a lover because she engages them in very little explicit activity and because they know it is expected. Compared to foreplay, intercourse engages the woman with the least effort. A woman only needs to allow a man to penetrate her vagina and thrust until ejaculation.
Second, there is intercourse which is preceded by foreplay. Foreplay is mostly provided by the man. Research indicates that men with a creative imagination tend to enjoy erotica, fantasy, masturbation, and foreplay more than others. The male enjoyment of eroticism (male arousals) may be the result of the increased complexity of the brain. Other men (especially when they are young) prefer to have direct sexual relations instead of indulging in eroticism. Eroticism includes masculine arousals that do not reach intercourse.
Third, there is fantasy-style sex, as presented in erotic fiction, characterized by the proactive role of women. The woman initiates sexual activity, encourages the man to stimulate her, and provides facial and vocal expressions that aid in male orgasm. Some women feel compelled to give at least part of this performance to a lover, either because they feel it is expected or to feel better about her sexual role.
It is the constant complaint of married women that their husbands are… chiefly concerned with genital stimulation… It is the constant complaint of the married man that his wife… does not tactilely stimulate her genitals. (Alfred Kinsey 1953)
