Most women who find out they are lesbian later in life have some nerves when faced with their first sexual experience. As a coach, I often hear questions like “What do I do?” and how I do it?” She also often heard comments like “What if I can’t please her?” and “What if I don’t like her?”
Please relax! Remember, lesbian sex is, first and foremost, FUN. There are some really positive things about lesbian sex that can really reduce tension, compared to straight sex.
- There are no worries about getting pregnant. this is huge. No birth control, no “slips” and then having to wait on the edge of your seat 3 weeks to see if you missed it. Totally liberating.
- Then there is the issue of orgasms. Men are “one and done” so basically in straight sex when he’s satisfied the experience is over. Not so with lesbian sex. With multiple orgasm capacity, it lasts as long as we want.
- Lesbian sex is never vanilla. Just for the fact that it IS lesbian sex! However, it is important not to fall into a rut. Keep it cool.
- Communication is easier as they speak the same language. Men and women have different communication styles and this can lead to misunderstandings when it comes to sex.
- So, of course, the biggest advantage is that you are having sex with a woman, which of course is what you have been waiting for!
Now, let’s say you’ve been dating a woman several times and you think you’re getting close. If the lady is also just coming out (this often happens to middle-aged people), there is usually less stress surrounding losing your lesbian virginity. They can learn together. While there are “how to” books available on the subject, chances are you’ll end up doing what comes naturally to you. I recommend the books as a fun way to open up communication on the subject and perhaps broaden your understanding of what constitutes sex and exploring each other.
When the actual experience happens, you will most likely find it totally natural and fabulous. However, some women describe her first time as strange. This is perfectly fine. You’ve been used to having straight sex and this is something new. However, if the weird feeling continues, or you feel very uncomfortable or you don’t like lesbian sex, you may need to rethink your orientation.
If you are dating a woman who has experience, you may feel more stressed. So why not let her take the lead? Again, relax. Do what comes naturally to you. There are no right and wrong ways to have sex. Listen to your partner, not only what she says, but hers soon too…breathing, moaning, whimpering. It is possible to hurt her, but again, watch your partner’s expressions, listen carefully and take note of that. Keep communicating, before, during and after sex.
Sex is always a learning experience when you are with a new partner. So in essence, every time you are with someone new it will be the first time. Each of you have different things that turn you on and you should learn that from each other. While you may have read books or heard the experiences of others and think you know what lesbian sex is, the truth is that there is a wide variation in sexual styles and needs among women. Some women may crave oral sex, some may think it’s rejection, some women may like penetration, some may not, some women may love having their nipples touched and for others it may do nothing, or even be painful
Even if your partner is experienced, it’s also their first time with YOU. Make sure he knows you’re a virgin lesbian. That will be something she’ll be thinking about… making sure it’s good for you the first time. Therefore, the playing field will not be as uneven as you think.
When you have lesbian sex for the first time, remember that there is no right or wrong, only what you both like to do. There are no rules, just be natural and keep communicating: be aware of how you feel and let him know how you feel and what you like too. Keep these things in mind and I am sure of one thing: your first time will definitely not be your last!
