You just moved to a new city to take advantage of a professional opportunity. Now, just a few months later, you’re writing home to say, “I made a BIG mistake.”
Maybe you are right. I am convinced that the biggest expense of any move is not the moving truck. It is discovering that you do not fit in with your new home. You end up with a lot of therapy bills and maybe go back to where you started. Or you sabotage yourself at work (or at home) until you finally get the message: “You don’t belong here. Come on!”
Here are 5 tips to help.
(1) Invest in family counseling before you move to fulfill a family member’s dream.
I often get calls from clients who have moved to be closer to family or to find a new social life. These moves can be risky.
Don’t be surprised if you find that you love your family more from thousands of miles away. Don’t be surprised if you feel like your spouse relied on you to move for your retirement, golf game, or dream career.
It’s easy to say, “Well, I’ll be around family to find a way to make a living.” The truth is, you may not be able to duplicate a race in a different city, for all sorts of reasons.
When you feel that whoever convinced you to take the step, you will feel miserable. You will know. Your friends will know. And too often, your boss will know.
(2) Expect to wait six months to three years to feel settled in your new home.
Ignore those cheerful people who say, “You’ll feel at home in no time.” Listen to objective researchers. They say that you will need up to three years, sometimes more, to feel at home.
If you still feel disconnected after three or four years, you might consider reviewing your experiences and reevaluating your values. Sometimes a life or career coach can be helpful, especially if they are experienced with the challenges of relocation.
(3) Do short jumps, not jumps, in the early stages.
If I could share just ONE idea, this would be it.
When you’re new in town, you’re fair game. Every professional organization, club, neighborhood group and leisure activity will want to work with you.
Don’t be surprised if you are treated differently after joining a group and attending a few meetings. Now you are just a new face and you have to prove yourself.
(4) Create a personalized support system.
Almost always, two things happen after you move.
First, the people you left behind, the ones who shouted, “Don’t go! We will miss you forever!” – will stop returning calls. They will maintain friendship through posts and tweets on social marketing engines.
Second, the people in your new town who said, “Oh please move here! We’d love to see more of you!” they will be busy with their own lives. If you’re lucky, they’ll help you get settled. Then you are on your own.
Either way, you have to make new friends and find new connections.
OK, maybe your experience is different. Don’t count on it.
(5) Take advantage of what is available.
Almost every city, town, or even small village has unique sights, features, and opportunities you won’t find anywhere else. Make the most of it while you can.
One of two things will happen.
You may find that you like living here more than you thought. Now you don’t want to move.
Alternatively, you’ll be in a better mood, which means (psychologists say) you’re likely to make better decisions. And when you move, you’ll take the memories of these experiences with you forever.
