1 – The number one fear among all people is rejection.
2 – The number one need among all people is acceptance. Dr. Phillip C. McGraw
A child’s greatest fear is not being loved and abandoned by their parents. Dr. Haim G. Ginott
Right! That is all! I go now! Bye! A million parents around the world when their child doesn’t want to leave the playground.
It may seem unnecessarily extreme, not to say humorless, to suggest that this last date qualifies as a threat of abandonment, after all, no parent really medium it’s. The truth is that our son doesn’t know it, and as can be seen from the quotes from McGraw and Ginott, the latent fear of abandonment and rejection is one that it would be safer never to underestimate.
Neither with jest nor with anger should a child be warned that he will be abandoned
Dr. Haim Ginott, between parents and children
If our son is delayed in the park, the library or the toy store, instead of resorting to frustrated threats, it will be better to take him calmly (insistingly?) by the hand and take him out (drag him?) while we say, “I see that you’d like to stay longer. The thing is, we have to do such and such. You wish you could stay.”
If our child has to repeatedly come home to an empty house, there are several things we can do to make the ordeal less painful. Could be good for:
- Leave a friendly note.
- Leave a recorded message.
- Call them on the phone.
It’s a tough challenge, keeping the demons of rejection in kids at bay, and not one that parents are always going to succeed at. Opportunities for this arise almost every day.
One morning last week I heard Beth coming down the stairs. We play this occasional game where I duck behind the closed kitchen door and wait for her to open it; she feigns surprise at seeing me there and she does this feigned scream. This particular morning the door was open so when I heard the creak of the stairs I went to close the door. Beth saw me doing it and immediately turned on her heel and retreated up the stairs. I went upstairs and found her lying on the bed in melancholy silence. She obviously was upset.
“You came downstairs and you saw me close the door,” I offered, as I sat down on the bed next to her. “It’s horrible to feel that they don’t want us.”
She nodded imperceptibly, and then, moments later, perked up with a smile, “I’m fine, now.”
It may not always be that easy, but with a little reflection, and the determination to take the dormant fear of abandonment seriously, parents can do a lot to protect their children from rejection anxiety.
