What’s wrong (or is it okay?) With us who believe that we have to be a super woman, a superior mom and a superlative worker? Is it drive and ambition or the blind belief that if we don’t do it all, no one will, and therefore nothing will ever be done? Do you see the redundancy of this sentence? It’s awful. Perhaps if no one does it, it never needed to be done to begin with, and since it will never be done (without you and your vigor), no one will know that it wasn’t done because apparently it was never necessary to do it to begin with. .
Multitasking is a way of life, a human condition of life today. With a finite amount of minutes in a day, to keep the “Super” state we love draped over our shoulders, we have forced ourselves into a burgeoning box of bulky obligations and overwhelming pressure to accomplish everything imaginable with hardly a sign. perceptible from any extreme stress energy. And where does all this supremacy take us? To power and importance, sometimes to a sense of well-being, sometimes to exhaustion and possible despair, quite often.
You may be thinking, “She’s crazy! I can do everything and be everything to everyone. Never despair! There is no time for such a silly emotion.” Burnout maybe, but I cover it so well!“The strong voice within is crying out SAVE THE WORLD, but it is the soft murmur of our souls that can give us the best idea of who we are while protecting us from the urge to accomplish all things in 29 seconds or less.
I’ll tell you, as a multi-tasker with vast experience, that doing it all is fun. There are few events more exciting and satisfying for me than starting my morning at 5am and then discovering that by 9am I had already cleaned the house, mowed the lawn, weeded the garden, washed / dried / folded six loads of laundry while writing two. . articles and editing of three others. And there are still many hours of the day to develop and fill with a hundred additional tasks. What a great sense of importance and value. It makes me feel powerful and omnipotent.
That’s when I realize I had a conference call at 8, right in the middle of my morning rampage, and I couldn’t dial. It is true that 62 tasks have been completed in an exemplary manner, but the most important, the one that was a deep commitment and obligation, was pushed under the rising waves of the Super-dom. That’s when despair begins to creep into my mind. Even if it wasn’t a momentous matter that I wasn’t able to connect with people on the conference call, it feels like a profound failure of my ability to multitask. It is at this low point that I can finally recognize that this was not multitasking. It was quadruple multitasking and that’s quite a package of tasks compressed in a minimum of minutes.
So what is the difference between multitasking and quad multitasking? Unfortunately, multitasking has become an expectation. As women, we have put on the crown of victory by pushing ourselves too hard. Instead of delegating as needed, we self-enforce. With the belief that “No one can do the job like me”, we have packaged ourselves into a signed, sealed and delivered collection under the guise of “I can, and will, anything.” Somewhere in the middle of this multi-tasking quadruple fiasco, we should yell, “Stop! I want to get off !!” And we have to mean it. To say enough with the inability to let go, we are just driving ourselves into a more vulnerable state of being, one in which not just QMT (quad multitasking; fairly mentally totaled; shaking with many spike actions) contemplate the possibility of quintuple or deca-doubling (that’s 10 times) our juggling act of actions and responsibilities.
Some of you are shaking your heads as you read this as you determine that this in no way reflects your behavior. Others, those whose mouth is drooping and the slime drips in semi-sensitive droplets, recognize the precision of these words. The more you do each day has become a sign of worth and for you, admitting that you can’t do and being everything is a sign of ineptitude and incompetence. Nobody wants to feel any of these even in the most fleeting moments, so we go ahead with superpowers.
Is there a cure for this disease? The wonderful news is Yes! But it’s not easy and it will definitely take time and repeated reminders every time you or a trusted friend catches you falling back on “I can do anything.” As with all addictions, facing the fact that there is a problem is Step 1 toward the cure. Step 2 is realizing that making changes is critical to you and your healthy mental and physical survival. Step 3 comes in several parts (surprise). Step 3 requires you to divide your responsibilities into four sections. An image will help you to really tackle this.
Take a sheet of paper, fold it in half, then into quarters, and at the top of each section write these labels: Box 1 – Obligations; Box 2 – Obligations, Box 3 – Delegations; Box 4 – Deletions. Boxes 1, 3, and 4 are headed by familiar terminology that you must now examine with fresh eyes. Obligations are necessary for you. If baking cookies for a social gathering is something you love to do because mixing the dough strengthens, smelling the aroma while the cookies are baking expands the power, and decorating the cookie box for delivery maximizes your artistic talents, then it’s a must, a responsibility that also multiplies your value. If, on the other hand, baking the cookies is a test, a responsibility that makes you want to bite the hand that flew in the air to volunteer for the cookie mischief, you should relegate this responsibility to another section of the newspaper.
This can make baking cookies an “Oopsligation”, something you promised to do but are now more unhappy, even unhappy, to do. Learn from experience that even though you want to share, there is absolutely no reason why you should be aware of cookie details once again. The next time volunteers are sought, sit on their hand, refuse to obey, release yourself from responsibility. This is hard work because, as a QMT, you know that everyone is counting on you and that no one, and I mean no one, can bake peanut blossom cookies with the pizzazz that you possess. But you know you have to give up some duties and this is one that Sue can do (although it may mean a packaged product rather than homemade).
If your Oopsligation arose as the result of a phone call, saying that it can’t be even more difficult than placing your fingertips under the rump. While some will say that the impersonality of the phone is an automatic liability reliever, as QMT you know this is not the case. With a live request, you can see it coming through the behavior, actions, and tone of voice that make their way to you. On the phone, you will most likely be caught off guard. To do this, you need to plan ahead. Take a note card made of sturdy material (as you will refer to it frequently). Write boldly: I can’t bake cookies [or any other task] because I already have obligations [no lie, you do]. Call me next time and I will try to help you. I realize you wanted to have all cookies banned forever, but this is not healthy for a QMT. Since you thrive on helping others, your psyche doesn’t want to be crossed off the cookie list forever, just for now, as the force to avoid Oopsligations builds.
Delegation. Cookies can have that function. Your daughter or son (niece, nephew, mother-in-law) loves to bake and as QMT you have always been afraid to give up control of the kitchen. This is your chance to not only protect your own health and power, but also to allow others in your life to prosper. Caution: Once you’ve delegated (an extremely complicated and thorny task), stay out of the kitchen. It can help in the selection of recipes and in the gathering of ingredients and utensils before the process. You can offer a limited number of parting tips when leaving the kitchen, but you cannot, under any circumstances, stay in the room. Within the range of the screams is fine, the first couple of bakes like an oven fire is an unpleasant event, but after that, you must walk away as you enter your newfound freedom. The power of this will be manifold as you are released from duty and someone you love gains responsibility and skill.
Finally there are the eliminations. These items are responsibilities that you hate. He can’t keep finding himself involved in tasks that drain his energy, drain his power, test his talents, and drain his fuel tank. Eliminations are the hardest of all. It can be compared to a captain leaving his ship. When you erase, erase, throw away and eliminate a responsibility forever. If you know and can admit to your heart that one more cookie request will send you to the brink of sanity and break you into a thousand irreparable crumbs, you must download a deliberate and decisive NO as you remove the cookie-dom from your life forever.
Again, a note card can help, especially if as a QMT you don’t want to hurt feelings, even the feelings of archenemies or eternal enemies. Most QMTs have huge, generous hearts where “No” translates to internal collapse and failure. Most likely, the delete button is your toughest rival, even tougher than the person you are about to deny your duty to. As you jot down your message on your note card, be sure to include words like never, impossible, unworkable, by no means. You must make it clear that in no case will it be available now or in the future to bake cookies.
With the written note in hand, practice saying it out loud over and over again. I myself, as a QMT, know that turning down someone’s request for help is practically as impossible as it is unlikely that I will keep my word. It is much easier to bend over than to stand tall, sit tight, and escape from unwanted and unnecessary duty. That is why I can share with you so freely, realizing my own personal weakness. I’ll tell you, although just writing about rejection is empowering. I realize that if I could remove even one responsibility from my daily list, precious minutes would explode and then I could devote to other activities that revitalize and maximize my strength.
Remember, you are as great as you want to be if you believe it. I don’t think there is a judge evaluating your life to realize that you only baked cookies for the strange (oh what’s in a word! I mean the bazaar!) 919 times instead of the 920 times you were asked . What will be remembered is the joy and radiated personal love you brought to each responsibility, the joy of which then spread to those with whom you worked.
