I wish I had a penny for every time I heard the words “what if you feel intimidated or hurt your feelings when I bring home this sex toy?”. This topic comes up all the time at our house sex toy parties.
However, most men these days seem to embrace toys and truly SAVVY men know that they only make their job easier. Integrating a silent vibrator into your sex can make MOM EXTRA HAPPY… and we all know the old adage about when MOM isn’t happy. As I love to say, really smart men know that sex toys do all the heavy lifting for them. And, speaking from personal experience, nothing can replace a living, breathing, warm, and good-smelling partner.
But, even in 2009, I still have one or two women, per party, who ask me that question. In some cases, I think it’s more that the woman is afraid to communicate with her lover than she is ready to enhance her fun in the bedroom. And sadly, in some cases, it’s true that your male partner really doesn’t like the idea of a toy. (Men are mainly concerned that they will be replaced or that the toy will be bigger than them.)
It turns out that some ignorant men see a vibrator or dildo as a replacement. But, as my title says, THE TOYS ARE JUST AN APPETIZER. They are only designed to warm us up, and as we all know, women generally need more warm-up time than men. Our partner is our input! Rarely will an appetizer really satisfy us. Sometimes an appetite is enough, but usually the appetizer just builds anticipation for the main course. (Anticipation… ahhhh… we all love anticipation, don’t we?)
So back to my point for guys. If your girl takes 20 minutes, why not incorporate something like SLENDER SENSATIONS or SILVER BULLET into your foreplay repertoire? Use the gentle vibration on your nipples, on your neck and back, move it slowly on your lower tummy, or try using a little more pressure on your pelvic bone. Don’t dive straight in. Take the toy and tease her a bit with it to warm her up. If you take the time to help increase blood flow to her pelvic region, what you will find is a woman who is VERY receptive and will orgasm more easily.
Make sure she is warm and lubricated before allowing her to touch your clit. If she’s not lubricating on her own, don’t take it as a personal affront to her abilities. Sometimes it’s hormonal and sometimes it’s just how we’re wired. Crazy things like too much Starbucks, allergy meds, and lack of sleep make it hard for us to lubricate ourselves and orgasm. I recommend using Eros Silicone Lubricant. It is super feminine and tasteless, odorless and condom free.
Men should really HUG toys. If you are having difficulty getting your partner to orgasm orally, incorporate a soft, quiet toy like the FINGER FUN into your oral intercourse. Using it in conjunction with your tongue and fingers can give you that little extra vibration you need to orgasm orally. Just think how much less work your tongue has to do. This toy is soft, waterproof and quiet. It’s small enough that it’s out of the way and subtle enough that it’s not TOO loud for her.
When I do the Coed Pleasure Parties, I love coaching the men to make sure they take care of their female partner first. Give him an orgasm before you have penetration. If you want to see your wife’s or girlfriend’s LUSTY VIXEN come out for a while, give her an orgasm, then have sex, and then give her another orgasm afterwards. You may see a side of your partner that you have never seen before. Women can be hungrier and more aggressive after their first orgasm and will beg you to have sex after that!
I would love to hear your feedback on this topic. If you have questions about which sex toy is right for you and your partner, please call me at 408-826-9087. I am a sex and sex toy expert and would love to help you find the right toy for your situation. No obligation to buy anything. You can even buy it from my competition. I would love to help you find the right toy to ELEVATE your sex life.
