Robert Doyel is concerned about babies born to unmarried mothers—so concerned, in fact, that he has written a book on the problem. His perspective is unusual: He spent 16 years as a Florida judge, primarily in family court, where he was involved in more than 15,000 restraining order cases, as well as thousands of dependency, custody and paternity cases.
What worries him so much, he says, is that “there is no concerted effort anywhere, not even to report on the issue, let alone try to do anything about it.” His concern for “the prevalence of unmarried births and the identification of the problems they cause” led him to write baby mom syndrome (Lake Canyon Press).
This eye-opening book explores the problem of these “fragile families” from multiple angles, including issues of abuse, neglect, and violence. Social workers, teachers, doctors, nurses, and other professionals who care for these children and their parents will be interested in the magnitude of the problem (1.6 million babies each year) and the demographics in this book.
Doyel notes that the teen birth rate has been declining for several years, but the numbers remain staggering: In 2014, just over a quarter of a million babies were born to girls under the age of 19. There were 2,771 births to girls under the age of 15, and most of these young mothers were not married.
Despite the widespread assumption that most of these single mothers are Black, statistics show that single white mothers have the most babies, followed by Hispanics, and then Black.
Her thoughtful and well-researched book makes an important contribution to the national discussion about these babies, their mothers, and what happens as the children grow up and all too often repeat the syndrome. Three features of the book are especially impressive.
case studies
This book offers many case studies grouped into patterns: female rivals, fathers married to another woman, mothers married to another man, lesbian couples, and more, to name a few. There are also triangles, rectangles, and serial troublemakers. One chapter deals with a complex pattern that Doyel calls “Baby Mama and Boyfriend vs. Baby Daddy and Husband.”
Reading the permutations and complications creates a picture of the problem that mere data cannot provide, and also opens a window into the causes. “Baby moms” threaten and attack rival women who have had multiple babies from the same “baby daddy.” Married women and “baby mommas” fight for a “baby daddy” who has fathered their children.
Readers will gradually become familiar with the reasons these women keep having babies by men who don’t marry or support them: jealousy, poor impulse control, rampant sexuality, and an inability to control their lives and future. The real victims, of course, are their children.
legal issues
Doyel’s second contribution to the “baby momma” discussion is her perspective as a judge. Lay people often think it’s easy to pass judgment in cases of violence and abuse: issue a restraining order. Put him (or her, or everyone involved) in jail.
Writing from years of courtroom experience, he sets out some of the legal complexities a judge must deal with. “As far as the law is concerned,” he writes her, “violence between two baby mamas or between two baby daddies is no different than violence between two strangers in a bar fight. That needs to change.”
Restraining orders have their own complexities. According to Doyel, “too many times, when there is mutual aggression, one of the aggressors seeks a warrant and then uses it as a sword, not a shield.”
Mutual restraining orders appear to be required, but they’re prohibited in Florida (where he served as a judge) because of another potential problem: Judges might be tempted to employ them as a way to avoid having to pass judgment on a complicated proceeding. domestic violence case. Result: a conundrum for a judge who is pitted against rival “baby mamas” fighting over the man who fathered his children.
One feature of these “mama baby” hearings is especially poignant: In her experience, Doyel says, parents rarely show up for hearings. Staying away from court, he says, keeps the women focused on each other rather than their baby’s betrayal of both of them.
And then there are the petitions, temporary ex parte injunctions and other legal complexities, and the thought processes judges use to render decisions in these “mommy baby” cases. Doyel’s jargon-free explanations of various legal issues make this book especially valuable for professionals responding to crises involving “baby moms” and their children.
taxpayers
The subtitle of Doyel’s book makes it clear that baby mom syndrome affects all the world: “Single parents, intimate partners, romantic rivals, and the rest of us.” Taxpayers pay the medical bills, court costs and other expenses of baby moms and their children.
The most important victims, of course, are children, who can be subject to neglect, abuse and violence. Even when there is no physical danger, many of these children witness violent behavior among the adults who are supposed to serve as role models.
“Cut the money” is the rallying cry of taxpayers who want single parents to take responsibility for the choices they’ve made. But Doyel’s book chapters argue that the problem is not so easily solved.
In “Generations”, he talks about what happens when children from “fragile families” grow up. “It’s well documented,” she says, “that children of parents who commit acts of domestic violence are also likely to be abusers.” But the syndrome does not stop there. Studies show that child abuse, neglect and rivalries between moms and babies are also passed from generation to generation.
In her final chapter, “Baby Mama Syndrome and the Rest of Us,” Doyel discusses remedies, including prevention, sex education, and contraception. He has promised two more books that will expand on these topics. Book two will focus on the violence, and book three will discuss the fate of children growing up in these “fragile families.”
Tea baby mom syndrome It is a fun and stimulating book. It will be especially useful for professionals who deal with these “fragile families”.
