Arranged marriages have been a topic of interest for centuries. Authors of all ages have explored this theme in depth, and it still appears in literary works today. What is the appeal? Is it the fascination with the lack of lust and desire that we cultivate in American society? We work on the element of danger, of the forbidden, while an arranged marriage is often a surefire way to ensure family approval of the union.
And yet, many of today’s romance novels are about marriages of convenience. We’ve all read them: the heroine marries the hero because she needs him, either for economic reasons, or because her children need a father; there are as many reasons to get married as there are novels that deal with this subject. However, even though marriage is not initially based on love, there is always that sensual tension that simmers below the surface, and as readers, we know that it is inevitable that the two of you will fall deeply and irrevocably in love.
But what about real life, where things don’t always work out so well? Arranged marriages are common in several countries, including Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Japan, and India. They’re more common than you might think, even in North America, where cultural diversity is valued and encouraged.
Young people in countries where arranged marriages are common are told from an early age that their spouse will be chosen by them. Denying an arranged marriage is seen as disrespectful to the family. But how do you choose the right spouses? In Japan, for example, “when a woman reaches the marriageable age of 25, she and her parents compile an information packet about her, which includes a photograph of her in a kimono and descriptions of her family background, education, hobbies, etc. , achievements, and Then her parents ask among their friends and acquaintances to see if anyone knows a man who might be a suitable husband for her” (Video Letter from Japan: My Family, by Asia Society, 1988). Usually, the most important aspect of choosing a suitable spouse is the bond between the two families, rather than the relationship between the marrying couple. Ownership or land for the purpose of securing social status sometimes seals marriage agreements.
Do arranged marriages work? Opinions tend to differ. Statistics put the divorce rate from arranged marriages much lower than in the United States, where love marriages are the rule. However, research also shows that the pressure a married couple faces both from society as a whole and from their respective families suggests that divorce is often not an option.
Can love arise from an arranged marriage? Absolutely, and in the same way that love can grow in romance novels from a marriage of convenience. But there is more to love than finding a suitable partner. Love can grow for many reasons, from lust at first sight to friendship that develops over a long period of time. It is impossible to predict whether a union will be successful. The only two people who can make it work are the bride and groom, the hero and heroine of their own story.
