I often hear from wives who have strong suspicions that their husband wants a divorce. Sometimes they will tiptoe around the problem for as long as they can because they are afraid of the answer if they ask about it directly. However, over time, wondering about your husband’s true feelings gets very old. Sometimes you get to the point where you’d rather have an answer, even a no, than keep asking yourself. Many wives will eventually reach a point where they ask their husband directly if he wants a divorce. And not every husband will give you a straight or even honest answer. In fact, some choose to remain silent.
I heard from a wife who said, “I finally got up the courage to ask my husband if he wants a divorce. And he just looked at me and sighed. He was silent for several minutes. When I pressed him, he finally said that he just didn’t have a choice.” answer for me in that second. What does this mean? Why would he stay silent? Part of me thinks he just doesn’t want to hurt my feelings or that he’s strategizing or dealing with these financial issues in order before ask me for a divorce.I will try to address these concerns in the following article.
A husband who is silent or doesn’t answer you when you ask him about the divorce may not have a definitive answer to give you at this time.: Sometimes husbands are silent because they haven’t made up their minds yet. Like you, they may have many conflicting emotions and may be confused. Therefore, many will delay giving you an answer about a divorce because they are not yet sure if they want or seek one. And they would rather delay than give you an answer that may be hasty or invalid.
It may be a good sign if your husband is silent about your divorce wishes: Many wives will see their husband’s indecision or silence as cause for panic. They will assume the worst or assume that her unwillingness to deny that she wants a divorce means that she is just delaying the inevitable or planning her next move. This may not be the case. Some men who want a divorce will have no problem sharing this directly with you. Many wives who contact me have husbands who repeatedly tell them that not only does he want a divorce, but nothing else will be acceptable to him.
So, as frustrating as your silence may be, understand that at least you don’t have a definitive answer that says a divorce is imminent. And this means that you could have time to save your marriage. I know that having things up in the air can be frustrating. But sometimes, it’s the state of being up in the air that means your marriage still has a chance.
How to handle it when your husband doesn’t give you any answers about the divorce: I suspect you may be waiting for me to give you some pointers on how to get your husband to a quick decision. I’m afraid my suggestion is more in line with setting it up so that when her husband makes a decision, it’s the decision she expected rather than a hasty decision.
To that end, this will often mean that you’ll need a bit of patience and that you’ll need to approach him from a place of partnership rather than a place of impatience and fear. Instead of asking her why she can’t just hurry up and make a decision or tell him how unfair it is to leave him hanging, she might say something like, “I’m sorry that you’re not automatically denying that you want a divorce.” “That being said, I prefer that he take the time he needs and then give me a snap decision that he doesn’t really mean. His reluctance tells me that we have work to do in our marriage so that we both make sure that we want to stay committed to him.” “I am willing to work tirelessly on our marriage to show them that it can be one they no longer have doubts about. I think the foundation is still there. We just need to strengthen our foundation and start building again.”
Note that at no time did this conversation pressure him, although I recognized that the whole process was painful. Also notice that I didn’t hint that I was going to wait for him to make a decision before I started trying to rehabilitate the marriage. Also, I reached out to him proactively instead of panicking. I hope you can see a difference because this can really matter.
Many wives pressure or rush their husbands and then are very sorry because their husband feels he has no choice but to make a hasty decision to go ahead and seek a divorce. Now, with more time, understanding, and rehabilitation, he may not have gone down that path. But some wives will become so anxious for an answer that the husband does not feel that he has the luxury of a well-considered choice.
