Believe it or not, even if many other people know that your spouse is considering a divorce, it tends to surprise you a bit, at least at first. Why? There are many reasons. First of all, your spouse rarely tells you exactly what she is thinking about her marriage, especially when the thoughts are negative. Second, many spouses will try to paint a rosy picture or soften the blow. And finally, many spouses are just thinking out loud when discussing their marriage with friends and family. But thinking out loud doesn’t mean you’ve made a firm decision.
This kind of beating around the bush leaves you wondering why he doesn’t say it. Why doesn’t he just tell you that he wants a divorce? Why make you find out from others or find evidence elsewhere?
Here’s how a wife might put this into words: “It’s amazing to me that my husband hasn’t told me he wants to get a divorce yet. He hasn’t served me the divorce papers yet. Hell, he hasn’t even officially moved out yet. he spends some nights with his sister, but he also lives with me part of the time. Now, he knew we were having problems. He had even started listing his own apartment a couple of months ago, but that came to nothing. He knew things weren’t going well But I was really surprised when I saw the wife of one of my husband’s partners at the grocery store and she told me she was “sorry to hear about my divorce” I swallowed but didn’t tell her how surprised I was. the game. But when I got home I told my husband about this and he said he didn’t tell his partner that he was definitely getting a divorce. He says he was just sharing how hard our marriage has been. I find it hard to believe. The couple’s wife is a pretty smart girl. I don’t think she misunderstood anything. So I mentioned this to one of my neighbors, who is a good friend of hers, and she indicated that my husband had also confided in her husband that we could get a divorce. I also confronted my husband about this and he again said that he hasn’t made up his mind yet. . He says that he doesn’t know if we’re going to get a divorce or not. I don’t understand why he is playing this way. Why doesn’t he just tell me that he wants a divorce? Yes, I will do it. Sad and disappointed. But I’d rather he be honest with me than him outright lying. Why doesn’t he say it? If he wants a divorce, why don’t you tell me? Because honestly, I’m going to find out anyway.”
I can certainly suggest a few reasons. When I separated (or when my husband was thinking about getting divorced and didn’t share this with me for a while), there were many people who knew more about my husband’s feelings toward our marriage than I did. This always made me a little angry because I felt like my husband was betraying confidences and it made me feel like I was the last to know. But you know what? All those little revelations didn’t amount to a mountain of beans. We never got divorced. And none of that happened.
And I think a similar situation could be the main reason why your husband is not just asking for a divorce. Either he’s not one hundred percent sure he wants one or he’s not ready to move on to one yet. And there may be several reasons for this. He might still be open to reconciliation. Or maybe he’s just trying to get his finances in order. Either way, he just might get a little time on her side.
If you’re still invested in your marriage (or still interested in saving it), this may be a great opportunity. I know it’s frustrating and somewhat humiliating to hear from others about your marriage. But if you really want a reconciliation, then you need to focus on the right place. You have to let go of all the things that don’t really matter in the end. And if you can get your marriage back, then this won’t matter in five years.
Right now, I would focus on the fact that, for whatever reason, he hasn’t asked for or filed for divorce yet. Who knows her specific reasoning? He may not even know it himself. The point is that if I really wanted a divorce this very second, then I would go for one. he hasn’t. For whatever reason, he’s refraining. And he still hasn’t told you about any plans for a divorce, which tells me he’s not quite sure what he wants and he still cares enough about you not to present you with something that might not actually happen. .
Either way, all of this means you might have some time. And sometimes, that’s a great starting point for trying to save your marriage. Many wives don’t have that. They have been served with divorce papers and her husband is not shy about telling them that a divorce is one hundred percent what he wants.
