It is very difficult to comfort someone who is depressed. Criticism won’t help, but a caring heart will. Feeling what another person is going through is already a comfort. Understanding and empathy is better than a pound of lecturing for one mistake. Blaming won’t help either. However, it is easier to find fault with other people, but it is different when your compassion is what they need.
Acknowledge that you understand the person’s feelings. Sometimes people want to seek advice or a solution to their problem. But as seen, they usually want to vent their feelings. This is especially true for women. So just listen. Let the other person speak, so that she herself can order her feelings; they may not even be able to articulate why they feel depressed unless they are drawn out.
Never minimize their pain or try to cheer them up. When faced with tears, we sometimes insist that whatever is bothering them isn’t a big deal. Don’t trivialize their experience, but walk with them. Put yourself in their shoes so that you can easily understand what they have been through. The words may not be so trivial, but the way you respond to a situation matters.
Sometimes people don’t want to talk and just want to be kept quiet. They also want to feel that they are not alone. So, your presence is already enough to comfort them. Even if you don’t offer words of comfort, the mere fact that you stay with them is already a relief.
In such a circumstance, the person usually feels better after having shared the burden on his heart and the pain eventually fades away. Having someone who is willing to listen and never judge you despite your flaws is a gift. How the hell do I survive the struggle of life if I don’t have a friend to lean on, especially when I’m so down and depressed?
Money is nothing compared to a friend who can help you without giving you any monetary budget. If a problem is still unresolved, she can offer a solution to improve the situation without pushing you to do so. She always listens. Even if she also has her own problems.
With someone who is sad not because of an isolated event, but because of disappointment, just talk to her and listen to her. Excessive rumination is not only ineffective in relieving depressed feelings, it can also make them worse.
