“So nothing is good or bad unless you believe it to be so, and vice versa. All luck is good luck to the man who bears it with equanimity.” – Boethius (Anicius Manlius Severinus), Consolation of Philosophy
It seems like most people I know are experiencing life these days caught up in some kind of crisis or conflict, be it at work, home, at play, or in relationship. Are experiencing a form of conflict and stress around issues, for example, about how to lead and manage, or processes, deadlines, budgets, and job security, or personal relationships and unresolved conflict, or how to solve health and education challenges, or if what they are doing is what they really want to do with their life.
Stress is the wrapper that surrounds their lives: they constantly experience rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, clenched jaws, furrowed brows, rigid postures, negative emotions and feelings, judgmental and critical self-talk, illness and malaise. A life defined by robotic and automated reactivity to conflict and crisis. But it does not have to be like that.
What is equanimity?
“Philosophy teaches us to bear the misfortunes of others with equanimity.” -Oscar Wilde
Merriam-Webster defines equanimity as an equanimity of mind under stress, a habit of mind that is rarely disturbed under great stress; a control of emotional or mental agitation through will and habit; firmness against stress.
Equanimity is a practice, most often discussed in the Buddhist and Sufi traditions. Equanimity is the basis of wisdom and freedom and of compassion and love. Equanimity is not, as some have confused, a “dryness,” coldness, indifference or aloofness, suppression/repression of feelings, apathy, or deadpan. The Buddha described equanimity as a mind that is abundant, immeasurable, and without hostility or ill will.
“Few people are able to express opinions with equanimity that differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even unable to form such opinions.” -Albert Einstein
How is equanimity?
Equanimity is the ability to remain neutral, observe from a distance, and be at peace without getting caught up in what we observe. It is the ability to see the big picture with understanding and without reacting, for example, to someone else’s words, ideology, perspective, position, premise, or philosophy. In essence, we don’t take anything personally; refusing to get caught up in our own or someone else’s drama.
Equanimity allows us to “be in the middle” of a conflict or crisis in a way that we are balanced, grounded, and centered. Equanimity has the qualities of inner peace, well-being, vitality, strength, and steadiness. Equanimity allows us to stand tall against the strong winds of conflict and crisis, such as: guilt, failure, pain or disrepute, the winds that prepare us for suffering when they begin to blow. Equanimity protects us from being “blown up” and helps us stay “balanced.”
How do we develop equanimity?
There are several mind/body qualities that support the development of equanimity. One is integrity. Doing and being with integrity supports our feeling of trust when we speak and act. Being with integrity fosters an equanimity that results in “no blame,” feeling comfortable in any setting or with any group without the need to find fault or blame. Another quality that supports equanimity is faith (not necessarily a religious or theological faith), a faith based on wisdom, conviction, or trust. This kind of faith allows us to face challenges, crises or conflicts head-on with confidence, with equanimity. A third quality is that of a well-developed mind, a mind that reflects stability, balance, and strength. We develop such a mind through a conscious and consistent practice of focus, concentration, attention and mindfulness. A calm and well-developed mind prevents us from being swept away by the winds of conflict and crisis.
A fourth quality is a heightened and cultivated sense of well-being that we develop by engaging in practices or activities that take us out of our robotic, ego-driven life and focus on a higher or deeper sense of consciousness, such as meditation, martial arts , self-reflection, the arts, and actions and activities focused on the right side of the brain. A fifth quality that supports equanimity is the understanding or wisdom that allows us to accept, be present and aware of our experience without our mind or heart resisting or contracting. In this place we separate people from their actions; we agree or disagree as long as we are in balance with them. We don’t take anything personally. Another quality is knowing that others create their own reality so that we can exhibit equanimity in the face of others’ pain or suffering and not feel that we must take responsibility for their well-being in the face of their conflict or crisis.
A sixth quality that supports equanimity is seeing reality for what it is, for example, that change and impermanence are a fact of life. We become detached and less attached to our attachments. This means letting go of negative judgments about our experience and replacing them with an attitude of loving kindness or acceptance and a practical and compassionate attitude. The more we detach, the more deeply we experience equanimity. The final quality is freedom, letting go of our need to be reactive so that we can witness, watch and observe without needing to get caught up in the fray, the winds, maintaining a constant relaxed state within our body as sensations (eg, strong, subtle, pleasant, unpleasant, physiological or emotional) move.
Equanimity, therefore, has two aspects: the power of observation and an inner balance, both of which help one to be mindful, awake, alert and aware. The greater the degree to which we are aware, the greater our capacity for equanimity. The greater our equanimity, the greater our ability to remain stable and balanced as we navigate through the rough waters and gusty winds of change, challenge, and conflict.
What happens when we are unbalanced without equanimity?
In our everyday physical world, when we lose our balance, we fall. In our emotional world, we store our feelings and emotions, deny them or contract around them. Or we identify with a particular thought, feeling, or emotion, clinging to it instead of allowing it to flow through us or pass like a cloud in the sky. The middle term is equanimity, the state of non-interference.
Equanimity allows for a deeper and more satisfying experience.
“When the force of circumstances upsets your equanimity, waste no time in regaining your self-control, and don’t stay out of tune longer than you can help. Habitual recurrence to harmony will increase your mastery of it.” -Marcus Aurelius
As we develop our capacity for equanimity, we can begin to notice when we fall into a “state of equanimity.” Being aware of our experience, we can explore the state and this practice will lead to more frequent and deeper states of equanimity. What we find with such a practice is that the people, events, and circumstances that once caused us to be reactive no longer have any “charge” and we are increasingly able to let go and feel less “upset.” We suffer less.
Equanimity allows for a safe harbor in the center of the storm, when we are caught up in the stresses of life at work, at home, at play, and in relationships. In this place, we are better able to approach life with inner poise, without giving in to underlying currents of tension and turmoil, and better able to respond effectively rather than reactively. Our responses take place in the conscious context of acceptance and equanimity.
Equanimity allows us to live a life of true and real achievement free from the trap of ego-based likes and dislikes and emotional reactivity. The beauty of equanimity is that it helps us live our lives at work, at home, at play, and in relationships in such a way that we can experience a greater sense of well-being regardless of our external events or circumstances. crisis or conflict, so that we experience clarity, alertness and tranquility in the moment.
Equanimity allows us to feel relaxed, make clearer, honest, sincere, and responsible choices and decisions, engage in more effective communication with others, tell the truth, be genuinely interested in listening to others, and be more trustworthy and trustworthy. confidence.
So, some questions for self-reflection are:
To what extent do I experience quiet confidence, equanimity, and calm in my life at work, at home, at play, and in relationships?
Am I generally free from stress, worry, fear, hate, anger, irritation, or confusion?
What prevents me from experiencing equanimity?
What attachments do I have that cause me constant anxiety, fear, or stress?
Would my close friends, family, spouse/partner describe me as calm?
Do you feel like you are living a life of real achievement? Why? Why not?
Do you engage in a practice that brings you inner peace or a sense of calm, balance, harmony, and well-being? If not, what “story” do you tell yourself or others to justify or rationalize your not doing it?
Who in your life consistently exhibits equanimity?
How was your experience of equanimity (your own or others) when you were little?
Can you envision a world where you can experience equanimity on a regular basis? What would it take for that to happen?
“For lack of self-control, many men devote their whole lives to struggling with self-created difficulties, and making success impossible by their own want of cross-grained sweetness; while others, they may be much less gifted, make their way and they achieve success by simple patience, equanimity, and self-control.” – smiles
