I guess we’ve all had some experience with that friend who always orders the most expensive item on the menu, never shows up on time to pay for anyone’s coffee, or disappears into the bathroom when it’s her round. Either the trader who trades but then delivers less, or the golden child who can’t be wrong.
So many situations in life can seem unfair, that we are being marginalized or disrespected. But just because we’ve been there longer doesn’t automatically mean we’ll get the next promotion, just because we’ve put a lot of time and effort into baking a cake means it’ll turn out beautiful, or even edible. !
How do we avoid feeling wronged, hurt, or discouraged when we feel rejected, unappreciated, or undervalued, when every part of us cries, ‘how fair is our life?’
– We can see people who are better or worse than us and ask ourselves ‘why me?’ or even ‘why not me?’ But life isn’t always fair and even those who seem to have everything in life often have their own challenges and crosses to endure.
– Accept that not all decisions, situations or choices that are made have to do with you. There are often several other factors that influence the actions of others and only a few will relate directly to you.
– Are you almost accidentally giving permission for unfair things to happen to you? We all have a personal responsibility to say how we feel, object, or at least comment if things happen that we don’t like. Discussing the feedback, saying ‘we need to talk’ can provide an opportunity to find out how other people perceive the situation and how they want to handle matters. Mutual perception can contribute to a better understanding.
– Keep a mental or even physical record of your successes. If you feel like you are in the middle of too much injustice, stop and remember all your accomplishments and positive actions over the past few months, the breaks that have come your way.
I remember a time when professional resume writers were brought to a large organization that I used to work for in the past. They were there to help any staff member who was under threat of layoff. When I read mine, I didn’t initially recognize myself in it! What they had written was amazing. It’s easy to take for granted or overlook what we’re good at, but equally, if we’re treated unfairly instead of focusing on the negative, we need to remind ourselves of our various abilities and talents.
– Surround yourself with good friends, fans and ambassadors, people who recognize your worth and are happy to build you up. Negative people work like drains, draining the energy and happiness from our lives. Inject joy, in the form of positive people who love you, respect you and are enthusiastic, those people who sometimes also push you, but who do everything with love and care.
– Do things you know you are good at. You can have a lovely way with people, children, animals, you can be good at sports, music, gardening, DIY. Doing things that boost your self-esteem and confidence helps you see past any immediate injustice or negativity and instead treat it as a minor irritation that doesn’t affect your mood or motivation levels.
– Accept praise and compliments. How many times do we hear criticism or negative comments, even if they come from a solitary voice in a sea of praise and good wishes. It can become automatic to ignore great comments about our positive efforts and contributions, perhaps suspecting that others are being polite or don’t really mean what they say. While self-deprecation has its place, there are times, especially in potentially unfair situations, when it’s important to accept positive feedback.
– Tell others what you have done, not in a boastful or boastful way, but letting them see your contribution, the time and effort you have invested. It can be easy to assume that others already know what we’ve done, the obstacles we’ve navigated and overcome. But, that is not always the case. Allow others to be impressed by you, to appreciate your skills, talents, and energy, and to give you due appreciation and recognition.
– Why not highlight the unfair behavior of other people? They may have gotten so used to taking advantage, going short on your investment, treating you unfavorably, that they don’t even realize how badly they’ve been behaving. Call them back by reminding them of their original agreement or setup, simply excluding them from future plans, or by saying, ‘you take care of this, it’s your turn now!’ can offer an important wake-up call.
And remember that perspective is the key to how we react and respond to life experiences. One person may feel victimized and harassed, while another may not care or even realize how they have been treated. If we are overly tired or stressed, we are likely to be more sensitive to negative things that happen to us and have a lower tolerance level. Practice good self-care, manage stress, and you will gradually find that you are less aware of whether or not your life is ‘fair’.
