I often hear from wives who are experiencing quite conflicted feelings after their husband returns home from a trial separation. They are often so relieved that he has finally decided to come home because this is what they have been waiting for all along. But, despite this, they are sometimes confused as to what is happening now. Some of the time, they don’t really want to dwell on what went wrong, but they often have nagging doubts that the issues that led to the breakup in the first place never really went away.
I heard from one wife who said, “The whole time my husband was away for our trial separation, I used to pray every night that he would come home the next day. And this eventually happened, but now I’m not sure.” to do. He’s home, but we’re kind of kicking each other off and feeling each other out. He doesn’t feel quite comfortable or right. In fact, there are times when things feel downright awkward. I wonder if I should push one more time for us to go to therapy. I just want things to work this time. Because if he were to leave again, I’m not sure I could handle it. So what should we be doing now? “Because I don’t want to do anything wrong.”
My first piece of advice to this wife was to try to relax. Her husband’s return home was an absolutely wonderful thing. But she was so worried about what she should or shouldn’t do that she couldn’t focus on anything but her concern. And this dynamic wasn’t so good for her marriage, either. So, in the next article, I’ll tell you (from my own experience) what I think is the best course of action when her husband comes home from a trial separation.
Try to show how much your return home means to you, but don’t put too much pressure on it: It’s normal to be ecstatic because you’ve finally come home. And there’s nothing wrong with letting him see how happy and excited you are. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to imply that his work is done. You don’t want him to feel so much pressure that he’s afraid to tell the truth about his feelings for fear of hurting you again.
You’re looking for a mix of genuine happiness coupled with truth, which likely still has a lot of work to do and a lot of improvement that’s not only possible, but necessary.
Understand that your return home could be just the beginning: I am not trying to detract from your happiness and enthusiasm. But there’s a real risk in becoming complacent and believing his job is done once you’ve finally lured him home. Since he hasn’t been living with you, there’s a good chance you haven’t had enough time to work on or address the things that led to the breakup in the first place. Now, both of you may have decided that the issues don’t matter as much as you originally thought. It is very common for both people to agree to disagree in order to keep the marriage together. But I would still say that there are usually always some places in their marriage that they can improve on.
And, if nothing else, a breakup often shows you not to be complacent about your marriage or your spouse. Make a commitment to talk to your spouse regularly and ask yourself what could make you both happy. Commit to continuing to make things better, as every marriage needs extra attention and introspection.
Don’t try to do too much too soon. Become Get familiar and comfortable again before trying to make changes or improvements: It is completely normal to be afraid that one day it will go away again and never come back. That’s why many wives are tempted to demand intensive counseling or drastic changes immediately after he comes home. His intentions are good. They don’t want any issues or problems to creep into the marriage and ruin the reconciliation they’ve worked so hard to facilitate. But there is a real risk of trying so hard that you don’t enjoy being together again.
You want to make sure you take the time to bond and connect again. You want your marriage to be as strong as possible to ensure that it can withstand any changes or improvements. So as tempting as it may be to want to roll up your sleeves and get to work, be sure to take some time to get comfortable and bond with your spouse again. Not only will this allow you to make the process easier, but it will also greatly improve your chances of long-term success.
