My name is Derek. I have bipolar disorder.
Some people ask “What is bipolar disorder?” I’ll tell you from practical experience what it is.
Bipolar disorder is not something to be afraid of. It’s not something to be scared of. In fact, if you have it, it is impossible to avoid it. You have to accept it before you can be okay. You must know that something is wrong or you can’t fix it. With proper help from a psychiatrist and some medications, people with bipolar disorder can lead normal lives. I know this to be true because I am living a normal life and I have this disorder.
I do not claim disability income, although I could. I work as a regular partner earning all the income I receive. Why am I not claiming disability income? Because I want to work for my money because I can. I’m not saying you should reject disability. If you feel really depressed, as this disorder will do that to you, then maybe you should be given a disability for a while. But, only do it if you have to. Try to improve. You can get better with the right help. I suggest you find a psychiatrist if you haven’t already and work out your problems with him or her.
The psychiatrist can help you with any problems you have. They can then prescribe the correct medication to help you get better. Tell him or her everything that is on your mind. The psychiatrist will tell you if you are delusional or if your pain is real. And of course it’s real because you think it’s real. But, the psychiatrist can tell you if what they are saying is true in this reality on this planet called Earth. For example, I thought when I was in the bathroom sitting on the counter, that the little men were trying to get into the bathroom to attack me. I thought they were going to enter through the crack in the door. Now this was real to me. But, if I had talked to a psychiatrist, he would have told me that I am not being realistic.
In my experience with bipolar disorder I had moments of deep depression and moments of extreme euphoria. These are characteristics of bipolar disorder. A move from deep lows to extreme highs. You are rarely in the middle.
When I had my episodes I didn’t know what was real. I saw many people when I was walking through a shopping mall and I thought they were my friends with different faces. I thought that I always talk to the same people, but their appearance only changes.
When I was on an extreme high, I thought I was the only one on the planet. And sometimes I thought I was God. I thought the doctor in the hospital was God. I also thought the newspapers were talking about me. And I thought the TV was talking about me. And I thought the radio was talking about me. And that every book I would read would talk about me.
At the beginning of this article I said that bipolar disorder is not something to be afraid of. This is because it can be overcome. I am living proof that it can be overcome because I have overcome it. I take my medication daily and treat it like vitamins. I don’t drink alcohol, smoke or use illegal drugs. I work for my money and I have friends I can talk to.
I would suggest that if you feel like sleeping all day you should go out and volunteer or even better find a job. Try to integrate back into society and face your fears. Try to get over that last anxiety attack faster than the last time you had one. Try to face a crowd and not get nervous.
Many times he had felt that he wanted to die. But one day I really felt bad and wanted to ease the pain. I wanted to die. I said this in my head a lot. And then something happened. I really felt like I was dying. So, I told myself that I don’t want to die. Luckily I didn’t give up because I would have missed a lot of my life if I had died. I really felt like I was going to die, but I didn’t.
Now, I am a music teacher and front desk assistant at my local community center. I exercise regularly doing martial arts, yoga, and weight training. I see my therapists once every two weeks. I go bowling every week. I read many self-help books. I play my saxophone whenever I can. I am a music student. I got my Grade 9 level at the Royal Conservatory of Music in piano. I am in grade 10 at the Royal Conservatory of Music in Saxophone. I am striving for the highest level in both piano and saxophone which is the ARCT level which is Grade 11. I am going back to Langara College to get my diploma in recreational leadership. I want to pursue my music career by getting my music degree from Capilano College. Maybe I want to get my master’s degree and then my doctorate.
These are my goals and I will achieve them all because I want to. And I know that I can.
I live life as it comes and do the things I love. I love working at the Thompson Community Center. I’ve been there since 2000. I’ve been working as a receptionist since 2003. If I didn’t like it, I would have found another job. I love teaching too. When people ask me “Are you working today?”, and I’m teaching that day, I usually say “No”. This is because I love teaching and watching people grow.
This is a passion of mine to see people grow. Even in movies I like to see those movies that develop a character and show their true potential.
I don’t know what my true potential is and I feel like my potential is limitless. I truly believe that I can do anything I put my mind to. That is true for everyone. I know you may think from where you are that you couldn’t get to where you want to go. But, you have to go there slowly. In time you will get everything you want if you really want it.
